UPFRONT: You and I are Going to Write a Brilliant Pop Song

AnnaleeBlysee

Last Saturday, I had the pleasure of seeing a hodge-podge of local musicians perform a Prince tribute show at The Crooked i. As usual, these musicians – and more than a few 16-ounce Miller High Lifes (Lives? High Life's? High Lifes'? High Lives? Does that sound right?) – inspired me to change my non-practicing ways. You see, I've been playing guitar twice as long as Eric Brewer, yet, I'm about 1/1000th of 1 percent as good as he is. Seeing him, and the rest of the all-star lineups nail these tunes never fails to inspire me to practice more and study more. I'll dedicate myself to it, I says. I'll make time, every day, I says.  I'll start tomorrow, I says.

Well, that tomorrow is now today and instead of pounding away at a fretboard, I am pounding away at a keyboard. So, I says to myself, I says, "Self, I am going to write a brilliant pop song." Now, I am relatively good at words, and relatively bad at music, so while riding that wave of inspiration, I composed the lyrics to a completely original, as-yet untitled song. Sadly, at the moment, these lyrics are like a one-legged stool – they won't stand on their own; thus, I need all of you, yes, you, to take a stab at setting them to music. I think you'll find them to be clear, concise, and easy to remember. I've done my part, now, you do yours - then, we'll have a two-legged stool that will…oh, nevermind.

Untitled Composition #1  C.Vaillancourt and ___________________________________.

I labored somewhat irregularly in a discount retail establishment
My direct supervisor was a gentleman by the name of Mr. McGee
On occasion he revealed to me that he indeed did not care for those of my ilk
Due to his perception of me and my ilk as slackards
On one particular occasion I was occupying myself with idleness
A different variety of idleness from the preceding day's idleness
At that time, I regarded a woman, ooooh, I regarded her
This woman incorrectly utilized the traditional means of egress as ingress, ingress
She was attired in a

Cranberry chapeau
The style of which one might find at a purveyor of used goods
Cranberry chapeau
In the event of fair weather, this woman's attire would consist of less substantial articles

Cranberry chapeau
I do believe I may be enamored with this woman

Physically constituted in the manner that this woman was physically constituted
Aforementioned woman was possessed of the bravado to inquire of me
If I harbored anything but the most noble of intentions for her
Hearken, bretheren!
I situated this woman in the rear passenger seat of my motor-cycle
After which I then proceeded to safely operate said contraption
In the vicinity of the elderly male Johnson's homestead
I reflected upon the realization that days consisting mainly of nimbostratus clouds never energized me
However an undefinable trait this woman possessed was also possessed by the nimbostratus
This woman was not exceptionally intelligent
But I realized during the course of our osculations
That this woman was indeed possessed of the knowledge of how to enjoy herself
She was attired in a

Cranberry chapeau
The style of which one might find at a purveyor of used goods
Cranberry chapeau
In the event of fair weather, this woman's attire would consist of less substantial articles

Cranberry chapeau
I do believe I may be enamored with this woman

Liquid precipitation is audibly interesting upon impact with the pastoral structure's covering
Equine curiosity was rampant as to our identities
The discharge of static electricity from clouds produced perceptible results
One feels as a celebrity actor feels
Hearken!
It is said that the initial occurrence is not, in fact, often the utmost occurrence
However, I feel compelled to inform you
That given the opportunity to repeat the initial occurrence
I would not alter a single action therein
Because, infant, I exist as the paramount
In conjunction with a woman as physically attractive as that woman was at that time

Cranberry chapeau
The style of which one might find at a purveyor of used goods
Cranberry chapeau
In the event of fair weather, this woman's attire would consist of less substantial articles

Cranberry chapeau
The style of which one might find at a purveyor of used goods
Cranberry chapeau
In the event of fair weather, this woman's attire would consist of less substantial articles

Cranberry chapeau
I indeed suppose I indeed suppose I indeed suppose I indeed suppose I am enamored with this woman
Cranberry chapeau
In the event of fair weather, this woman's attire would consist of less substantial articles

With apologies to Mr. Nelson, and his attorneys.

Cory Vaillancourt is a brilliant writer/complete hack and can be complimented/heckled at cVaillancourt@ErieReader.com.